My Uber driver just ran three red lights and hasn’t said a single word to me. If he hits a fruit cart and keeps driving I’m gonna have to marry him.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 7, 2018
Time to pour one out for Scott Pruitt *pours bottle of bleach directly into the ocean*
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 5, 2018
Still trying to figure out what to get America for its birthday… what do you get for the country that has everything but only shares it with 300 or so of its people?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 4, 2018
Who’s excited for a new Civil War:
• Adults who play militia on weekends instead of using their allocated time for supervised child visits
• Gun industry
• People who think Jesus is racist
• Racists in the gun industry who think Jesus is racist
• Ken Burns
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 3, 2018
Can someone tell Conservatives you can’t start a new Civil War until you acknowledge you lost the last one?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 2, 2018