I lost my first two children to IKEA's labyrinths.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 1, 2015
If you ever suffer from feelings, keep pushing them further down into your subconscious until they emerge as beautiful eruptions at Target.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 30, 2015
*me at haunted house at age 15*
"This is scary!"
*me at haunted house at age 33*
"This is scary. Ghosts have houses and I'm still renting."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 27, 2015
Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 27, 2015
‘WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE TONIGHT!’ OCT. 3RD // 10:30PM
DONALD TRUMP: This guy barely speaks American. I would deport him if I were in charge
POPE: I forgive you, constant idiot— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 25, 2015