HILLARY: No, Bill
BILL: I'm telling you, I've studied "Mrs. Doubtfire," just let me be you for a few days
H: No
B: Can I try on a pantsuit?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 11, 2016
My Uber driver just informed me I could have a free wind chime from his trunk if I promised to "Like" his Facebook page.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 10, 2016
TRUMP: "I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, ok? I am the drawer. Spoons, forks, etc, I know all the best utensils. I know a whisk guy"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 9, 2016
Somewhere out there my soulmate is curled up in the fetal position too.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 9, 2016
The new iPhone is waterproof, which means I can finally enjoy my shower while being interrupted by emails from work.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 7, 2016
If the national anthem really reflected America it would just be gunshots and cash register cha-ching sounds.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 6, 2016