I don't get the big deal about prison. Just befriend the guy who looks like Morgan Freeman and get some posters.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 3, 2013
Girl are you the restrictive family-planning guidelines from China cuz there is only one of you
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2013
Steve Buscemi always looks like he just saw himself in a mirror for the first time.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2013
Chemical weapons scare the shit out of me. Especially AXE.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2013
Girl are you my wifi cause I thought we had a connection and you're always looking for bars
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2013
Whenever I get an email from OKCupid informing me I have "three new matches," me and Netflix-On-Demand just laugh & laugh & laugh for hours.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 30, 2013