GRANDMA! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/5X2WNChYvD
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 4, 2015
The extremely nice people at PASTE MAGAZINE put me on a list of the top seventy-five twitter accounts of 2014. I'm #51 which is rather fitting for a middle child like myself. Much like owl-wrestling and turnips for breakfast, this was a complete surprise to me. I'm blown away to be surrounded by the best, peers and heroes alike, and thankful that anyone reads what I write at all. FOLLOW ME ON MYSPACE!!!
Thanks to my friend and beard coach, Steve (@wigcannon) for making sure I was aware of this story.
Why would someone be forced to eat their own beard? As a proud owner and homeowner of a beard I'd like to give some possible reasons:
*Lost a bet
*Won a bet
*His wife and daughter were taken hostage and that was the only demand
*Had a gun to his head
*Had a knife to his throat
*They ran out out of mustaches
*Spring break forever
*They promised him how own podcast if he ate it in one bite
* It was 2:30 in the afternoon
*He was a paid assassin hired to cannibalize an Abraham Lincoln re-enactor
*He had a toupee and it whet his appetite
*He didn't fix a truck correctly and it's considered a form of hari-kari down South
*Bush forced him to
*He was promised an unlimited supply of beards to eat if he ate his own
*He looked in the mirror and was like, "Fuck it."