I have an announcement to make. WAIT! STOP! I really do! The baby alligators are just fine and I didn't eat all your chalk. Neither of those is the announcement they're just simple facts. Here we go...
Last November my friend Mo Fathelbab (founder of the comedy label THE EXPERIMENT and a jovial, fantastic human being) approached me and asked me if I wanted to do a stand-up residency at a room in a bar in Brooklyn for one year. The proposal was I would perform 8-10 minutes every Tuesday for a year and when the year was up, record my first album.
I have been performing stand-up since I was 17. I didn't hesitate for a second. The answer was "Hell the shit yeah!" if memory serves correctly (always the poet). Well, a funny thing happened: I showed up at The People's Republic of Brooklyn (247 Smith St). Every week. And got better. And better. And worse. Then better again. Then worse. Then, finally, at home on stage.
So, I'm giving all of New York City a head's up: I am officially recording my first album at THE TREEHOUSE THEATER (formerly THIS THEATER) 154 W. 29th Street on Friday. November 21st. Two shows: 8PM and 10PM. $10. Links, fliers, and openers will all be announced/posted as soon as they're ready.
This is a big deal to me. I'm so excited. Please mark your calendars. Tell your friends.
Thank you to all of you who have supported my pursuit of comedy over the last decade and a half.
I love you and would be nothing without you.
Thanks for reading this and truly letting me indulge myself.
Oh and it's called POOR DECISIONS, EXPENSIVE MISTAKES
TOODLES BABYCAKES AND HOTSAUCERINOS!
- Sam Grittner (follow me on GeoCities!)
Mark Hoppus has been one my biggest supporters and proponents for a long time now. He's given me many words of encouragement and the message he always comes back to has been: "Don't give up. Don't stop. No more giving me song name ideas, "Dr. Who Let The Dogs Out" is never going to be on wax."
I am grateful for people like him, a rockstar that reads the writings of a weirdo that lives in Brooklyn.
Yes! I would like a TV show! Yes! I would like a book deal! Yes! I would like the monkeys in the panic room to stop eating all the red velvet cupcakes!
but I know nothing big really happens overnight (I waited all night and Mr. and Mrs. Hollywood didn't come a-knockin'). It comes from continued hard work and an even greater resolve to continue to challenge yourself to be the best you, you can be, and by giving Charlie Sheen twelve suitcases of pure horse every full moon.
I am also grateful for every supporter I have. I try and read every @ and the kind words I've gotten over the past week have made me feel like the lunch lady gave me an extra scoop of Sloppy Joe for no reason at all except she thought that I was funny and I begged her for it.
Thank you for making me feel special. I will continue to try harder as soon as I'm done loading these suitcases into this taxi (there's a full moon tonight).
I'm writing to express my sincere gratitude to all the people I've come in contact with since moving to NYC almost seven years ago. I've been doing stand-up since I was 17 and always feel like I should have more to show for it, something to really be proud of. Finally get a writing gig or a TV credit. I still want those things but the older I get, and especially over the last couple of weeks, I've been doing some reflecting.
Too often I take things for granted: my friends, family, health, how many rudabegas I have in dry storage, etc.
I am thankful for every person that has come to a show, rejected me from a show, told me to keep on trucking, told me to pack it up, has followed me, has unfollowed me, has said YES on the FB invite to the really big show that matters then doesn't show up. You have made this skinny bastard from St. Paul finally start to man up and grow a thick skin.
Thank you friends, fans, family, lovers and haters alike.
I'm not stopping now! I'm just getting warmed up!!!!
*gets pulled over by police*
"What is this?" "That's a rainbow, Mr. Putin." "Tear down the sky." "Sir, you can't possib- *gun clicks* "Tear. It. Down."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 8, 2014
'Twas the Night before Christmas, when all through the building,
There was only the sound of silence and an empty feeling,
The homemade leather stockings were hung with love and care,
You could also find them on Etsy for a price that was both reasonable and fair,
The hipsters were fast asleep in their ironic race car beds,
While visions of mustache-bikes and bands no one has heard of yet, break danced and twerked in their heads,
The foodies tried to sleep but of course they were wide awake,
so they YELPED about a shitty breakfast and Instagrammed red velvet cupcakes,
The professionals were long gone, away on a vacation,
Spending what you and I pay in rent, just to arrive at the destination,
They tried to sleep but insomnia was the trend,
Especially when they forgot to pack a week's supply of their sleep-crutch I mean Ambien,
No DJ's were mixing, no punks were garbage-sifting,
'Twas just me in my apartment, drinking eggnog and think-a-linking,
All the people were gone, and that was more than alright,
For the first time since I moved to New York, I might just have my first silent night.