Category Archives: Writing

REVIEW: ‘IRON MAN 3′

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‘Iron Man 3′ REVIEW (Author’s note, I have not seen the movie)

IRON MAN 3 is already my favorite movie about a man wearing a suit of some sort of metal that I’ve seen all summer AND SUMMER ISN’T EVEN HERE YET!

The movie has everything any Marvel or non-comic book fan could want or expect from a Summer Blockbuster: explosions, guns, lasers, shadow puppets, RED BULL sponsorship that’s not too overt, cleavage, an airplane crashing into the moon, tanks, moonshine, laser boobs, clutch rides, and even a dragon having sex with a torpedo.

The cast is a bunch of all-stars: Johnny Depp, Hotel Rwanda/Crashie dude, and of course, PEOPLE magazine’s woman of the year, that wife of that u2 band(?) who do what they do best: read lines written by other people really, really well.

I don’t want to give away too much of the plot but here’s a brief summary:

Iron Man gets attacked by NASA for trying to steal all their precious moon juice. The Machine of War is also around, doing important things and tasks. At one point, precious jewels get stolen and they must unite in Argentina. Things look bad for these men made of aluminum(?) but just before the dinosaurs that were genetically designed to eat metal people and music make death befall the entire Southern hemisphere, the one lady comes dressed up in a suit made of adamantium(?) and blows away the dinosaurs with her laser boobs.

There’s a lot of sex and cannibalism in this movie; not more than I expected but definitely not enough.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I enjoyed IRON MAN 3. I would watch it on an iPhone with a delicious RED BULL nearby but I definitely wouldn’t let my kids watch it because they would hog the tiny screen with their smudgy, tiny, fat fingers. I recommend this movie if you are into: shit that blows up, metal, and nail salons.

On a scale of 1 to 5 STARS, I give IRON MAN 3 a yes.

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(I was asked to submit a brief, fictional ‘The Bachelorette’ story yesterday so I wrote this:)

Dear Fans/Future Lovers/Family,

It’s me, Paul Bronso AKA ‘The Match,’ that was kicked off of Season 19 of ‘The Bachelorette.’ You know my infamous nickname because of “the incident” and today, I’m legally allowed to explain my side of things.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve made a killing as a used wig salesmen, so I obviously don’t need money or fame. People also constantly mistake me for an obese Ryan Gosling so I pretty much have it made.

I just want the undying love of a perfectly sculpted woman, that’s all.

When Tarva said my name, my heart skipped and so did I, and that’s when I ACCIDENTALLY knocked her into the forest of candles that my lawyer has made explicitly clear were a fire hazard created by the show. As her hair burst into flames, so did my chances for true love with a complete stranger.

Tarva’s hair grew back but I don’t know if the hole in my heart ever will (literally, it’s a birth defect).

I’m trying to look on the bright side though; just because I got burned by loved doesn’t meant I can’t find that spark again.

-XO

Paul

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram: ONEOFTHEPAULBRONSOS and Twitter @T_H_EPAUL_BRONZO6985

Upcoming MoMa Exhibitions

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Dear TONIGHT ON ‘GIRLS’ Fans:

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My name is Sam Grittner and I created and write this account.

The only reason I’m writing is to say thank you. I’ve been doing stand-up for 13 years and have been on Twitter for 4 and nothing compares to the responses I’ve gotten for this account. I have been absolutely blown away and stupefied by the responses I’ve received. I read every @.

I am a broke writer living in NY and the show resonates with a lot even though I’m a dude. I love it more than I think I should?

I’ll keep this short and sweet:

WANT TO HELP?

  • Please stop @ing with your own plots! They are so good that I don’t want to take them! 
  • Every favorite, every RT, every shout-out is APPRECIATED!
  • If you enjoy this, please spread the word! I don’t want to make money off of this. I just want to make as many people laugh and scratch their heads at the same time as possible.

THANK YOU!

Sincerely

Sam Grittner (@samgrittner)

@TonightOnGIRLS mentioned on HuffingtonPost.com

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I went back and forth with creating @TonightOnGIRLS but I am so glad I went forward with it.

GIRLS

It launched on Monday and was written up on HuffingtonPost.com on Wednesday:

“Tonight On ‘GIRLS’ Twitter Parody Perfectly Sums Up Future Episodes”

Very cool and quite exciting but the best part is all the @’s I’ve gotten. If you follow it and have said kind words, thank you. It means so much to be able to create something that I have so much fun doing that other people truly enjoy.

HOLLYWOOD.com and Sam

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Hollywood.com

At the beginning of January of this year I was approached to help co-run Hollywood.com’s Twitter feed (@Hollywood_com). I did it for a week as a test run and I had a blast and my bosses seemed very satisfied. Ever since then, I’ve been co-managing the account. Basically, I put up links to the stories and try to phrase them cleverly but I also write every single joke you see on there. I wasn’t sure if it was going to work out but it’s the most fun I’ve ever had at a real job.

So, if you like to keep up with the latest in Hollywood news, celebrities, and upcoming movies, I recommend you follow @hollywood_com. They just launched a newly, redesigned website yesterday too so it’s really, really nice. If it’s not your cup of tea, I understand and that’s cool too.

I didn’t do this because my bosses asked me to. I did this because I’m proud of the work I’ve put in and I truly have a blast working with everyone there.

#FF: @Hollywood_com

FEEL FREE TO TELL THEM I SENT YA!!!!