Somewhere out there my soulmate is curled up in the fetal position too.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 9, 2016
The new iPhone is waterproof, which means I can finally enjoy my shower while being interrupted by emails from work.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 7, 2016
If the national anthem really reflected America it would just be gunshots and cash register cha-ching sounds.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 6, 2016
20's: I want to be rich and famous by making art!
30's: I want to make rent and find my soulmate
40's: I want a divorce where I keep the dog— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 6, 2016
? Don't ? ever ? tell ? me ? what ? animals ? I ? can ? or ? cannot ? put ? a ? saddle ? on ?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 2, 2016
TRUMP: "Would I have sex with Barbie if she were real? Absolutely."
REPORTER: "The question was about the Supreme Court."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 2, 2016