You do know the entire world is staring at us like we're standing completely naked on a diving board above a pool filled with swords, right?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 6, 2016
It's daylight savings tomorrow so don't forget to remember that time is a construct implemented by humanity to try to make sense of nothing.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 5, 2016
Biggest takeaway from last night's incredibly close game, Cleveland accepted the results and their fans didn't take to the streets with guns
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 3, 2016
*at animal shelter*
EMPLOYEE: "You said you were interested in adopting a dog?"
*i slide her $100*
ME: "Take me to the REALLY good boys."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 1, 2016
Halloween is a lovely example for kids learning to follow rules: Never, EVER take candy from a stranger… unless everyone else is doing it
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 31, 2016