Tennessee Williams is my least favorite Williams' sister
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 9, 2013
I want to ask that man's ponytail so many questions
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 8, 2013
I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 7, 2013
Recently I made an ass of myself by using Twitter as a replacement for a therapist's couch (I have done this often) but I'd like to clarify a few points:
1) I'm not quitting Twitter now or any time in the near future. I enjoy it. A lot. I have finally come to terms with the fact that not only is my humor not for everyone, neither is my personality. Which horrifies me because I'm a middle child and I want to please everyone; robots, ninjas, Walkers. It's ingrained in every part of my being. It's tattooed in my DNA and bedazzled on my eyelids... But! That ain't how the world works. You can't please everyone or cabins. 31-years-old and I'm just now beginning to fully realize this concept as truth. However, the people that "get" my silly sense of humor really DO get it and me and the outpouring of support I received over the last week has been amazing.
2) I've been trying so hard to keep a positive mental attitude! So it sucked this past week when, exactly two minutes before a stand-up set, I got a message from the woman I was supposed to go on a date with the next night, saying she was canceling. Here's the thing: This is the seventh woman in a row to do this to me in the past 9 months. I know I'm not Bard Pitt or Leonardo DavinciCaprio but I'm a pretty nice guy with eyes and at least one elbow, why do women keep- WHOOPS! This isn't a couch! I'll find some other more creative way to vent my frustrations with dating in NYC. But that's what set me off.
3) Finally, I'm trying to change. Every day. I'm actively trying to be grateful for all the things I have, big and small. Even though I get so mad sometimes at life's frustrations (HULK SMASH, SMASH MOUTH!), more often than not, I don't feel like I deserve the life I have. I am extremely lucky and have not only been privileged most of my life but have taken that fact for granted. WHOOPS! FART! DOGS THROWING BISCUITS IN A HALLWAY! Ok, sorry, got a little too serious there again!
I will try my best to just post my jokes and leave it be. I don't have time to get my hair did let alone decipher kilometers or get mad at strangers on a digital cloud filled with nothing and everything. I do however apologize, for being so cold online and acting holier-than-thou over the past couple of years. I'm not. I'm just a big little kid from MN that wants to make people laugh. That's it.
Thanks for being my friend or reading my jokes or being supportive or inventing the ship filled with pizza and root beer.
If you explain what Tinder is to your grandparent that fought in a war you can watch their soul crumble in realtime, right before your eyes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 6, 2013
I'm just going to torrent my Health Care.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2013