The Xbox One will completely revolutionize how quickly our children will get diabetes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2013
If you pour just enough cocaine on an old typewriter, Quentin Tarantino will appear within three minutes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 17, 2013
"It's a show about nothing." – God explaining life
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 17, 2013
I asked my mom what she wanted today and she said "she just wanted me to be happy," so I'm on ecstasy petting a dolphin right now.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 12, 2013
The gentleman I got to interview today cracks me up every day, way too hard for someone as young as he is. He is already a big deal and is going to be a bigger one but he is super nice and humble and I didn’t have to pay him in birds for this interview like I promised I would. Let’s plug in this citrus man!
LET’S GET TO KNOW: Demi Adejuyigbe (@electrolemon)
why in the world would white people need their own history month, you've already got a vampire weekend
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) March 19, 2013
HI! What’s your name and where do you currently reside?
Hi hello hey, I’m Demi Adejuyigbe. I currently live in Austin, but now that I’m done with school I guess I live in Dallas and in like 3 months, Los Angeles.
How long have you been doing comedy?
As of the time of writing this, it’s been about zero days for me. If you wanna get technical though, I’ve been using twitter for 5 years but I’ve been using it to tell jokes for the past 9 or so months.
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done with or to a head of lettuce?
Made an awful salad with it. Either that or committing the Lettuce Murders of ’77, I guess ‘worst’ is subjective.
What do you think of Twitter?
I think Twitter is incredible. As with everything, it has a fine balance of awful people that middle out with the great ones, but I really do love it. It’s a terrific platform for short form creative writing of any kind, and the 140 character limitation only serves as a boon to creativity.
What superpower would you give to a shoe?
The power to transform into anything. That way, I could transform it into two shoes if I need to go out, or transform it in no shoes if I feel like fucking with the scientific concept of the conservation of matter.
Who’s your favorite comedian right now?
John Mulaney. There are so many few stand-up albums that have made me cry with laughter but John’s two albums manage to do that every time I listen to them, they’re always fresh. I’m super upset NBC passed on his show.
What magazine would you like to see published?
Dog Thoughts Weekly. Sometimes you see a dog and you’re like “The hell is he thinking,” right? That’s where Dog Thoughts comes in.
What’s the worst part about comedy?
@MensHumor has over 2.5 million followers.
What’s the best part about comedy?
You can make a thousand different jokes about a thousand different things, and there will still be some more original jokes to be made. While I do think there are some things you shouldn’t make jokes about, it’s still crazy how close to infinite the possibilities are for humor.
What are the five topics you tweet about the most?
1. What if [popular rapper] was doing this wacky thing?
2. I’m very bad at talking to girls
3. Movies I’ve never seen, but know very well
4. Books I pretended to read in high school, but know very well
5. Songs I heard once in passing at a mall food court, but know very well
How often do you tweet?
Like 20 times a day. It’s unhealthy. Luckily, I delete a lot of tweets to make it look like I’m much cooler, at an average of 12 per day.
What do you wish more people would joke about?
There are not enough jokes about the hit (?) 1994 Disney direct-to-VHS film Blank Check.
What kind of sandwich would you share with Janis Joplin?
Assuming that she’s still alive and I’m not sharing a hoagie with an undead Janis Joplin, it’d probably be just a regular PB&J, but there would be a Post-It inside that says “DON’T DO HEROIN.”
What’s your favorite condiment that hasn’t been invented yet?
I Can’t Believe It’s Not Shredded Bits Of Ham
What would stop you from doing comedy?
Being murdered. Or, if any of my numerous haters are reading this, a nice car.
Do you any advice for people, just in general?
Stop telling me to watch the damn Wire, I’ll get around to it eventually, okay?
Executive Producer: DICK WOLF, Associate Producer: VAGINA GIRAFFE, 1st Assisstant Camera: BOOB MONKEY, VFX Supervisor: ASS TURTLE, Grip: JIM
— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) January 1, 2013
Thought I saw Zooey Deschanel tonight but it was just every girl in Brooklyn.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 9, 2013