Women are still the original 3D printer.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 5, 2014
Want to buy a gun? Cool. Promise you're not crazy. Promise? Cool. Want birth control? Whoa, lady. Let me ask five old dudes real slow first
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 5, 2014
TALKING POINTS: 4TH OF JULY
Here are some go-to lines to get you out of Snoozeville when you’re chatting up the neighbor’s best man’s cousin.
*posts tweet*
*posts instagram*
*checks facebook*
*clutches cellphone that's basically a limb at this point*
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 4, 2014
I want a Lobsterfest in the sheets and a Toyotathon in the streets.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 3, 2014
So if you lose, you don't win? I still don't get soccer.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 1, 2014