Just never show up to a knife fight.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2013
I'm an adult which means I can have ice cream anytime I can afford it.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 22, 2013
I've never not wanted pizza, I only haven't known I didn't not want it until it was there.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 20, 2013
"Stories passed down for generations or it didn't happen." – Native Americans
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 19, 2013
I always cut up dolphins so they don't ruin the majestic, plastic six-pack rings inhabiting our Oceans.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 16, 2013
*breaks glass ceiling*
*gets cut and bleeds to death*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 15, 2013