Girl are you the restrictive family-planning guidelines from China cuz there is only one of you
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2013
LET’S GET TO KNOW: Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne)
There's no I in anxiety. Wait. Yes there is. Oh my god oh my god oh my god
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) January 6, 2013
What’s your name and where do you currently reside?
My name is Eliza Bayne and I live in Los Angeles, THE CITY OF DREAMS.
How long have you been doing comedy?
I’ve been dabbling in comedy for years but I’ve only really focused on comedy writing in the past year. I wasn’t really using Twitter for jokes until a comedian friend of mine told me that I needed to start writing down all the silly things I was saying. And I was like WHAT and he was like YEAH and I was like OKAYYYY. So I began writing down ideas, and then more ideas and then tossing them out in the twittersphere. Since then I’ve had the opportunity to write and act in some fun sketches, write humorous articles and just recently booked a supporting role in a romantic comedy coming out later this year. I’m also writing an original pilot. Can I get a hell yeah?!?
What do you honestly think of Twitter?
I think Twitter is a great way to get your stuff out there, network and hone your writing skills. All without ever having to leave your house! I’ve also met some really great people off of Twitter. A lot of artists and comedians and other deranged people I adore. I love that Twitter creates a direct line between you and your audience. No more agents or producers telling you “no.” Let the people tell you “no” and “you suck!” HUZZAH.
Sharks or bees and why?
Sharks. No question. Is there a Bee Week? No. Who’s cooler? Quint from Jaws or Macaulay Culkin at the end of My Girl? Bees can suck it.
Who’s your favorite comedian right now?
Amy Schumer or TJ Miller. I realize those are two but sometimes you gotta break the rules. Right now I am also wearing horizontal stripes, which is a total no-no for my body shape. RIDE OR DIE MAN!!!
What magazine would you like to see published?
A magazine with beautiful women sucking on lollipops and trying to yank off their tank tops. Not to brag but I think I’m onto something here.
What would you do with $50,000?
SO MUCH! Ooh! I’d do a big shopping spree. Just like Pretty Woman except I’m not a hooker. That would be amazing. Ugh. Now I’m depressed I don’t have $50,000.
What’s the worst part about comedy?
Feeling pressure to always be funny.
What’s the best part about comedy?
Comedy is a great stress reliever. It’s also a great way to get people to see things in a different way when you can find the humor in a situation. There’s a quote: “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.” I’m pretty sure they’re talking about anal.
What are the five topics you tweet about the most?
Fried chicken, pizza, depression, life, anxiety. Whoa. WHAT A CATCH!
How often do you tweet?
Twitter is basically World of Warcraft for me. I try to do about 6 tweets a day and then go outside and talk to people in real life. LOL. JK!
What do you wish more people would joke about?
I think if more people had the ability to laugh at themselves, the world would be a better place. Which is why I love Celebrity Roasts. Being able to sit there, roll with the punches and get roasted shows a lot of character to me. We’re all flawed individuals so why not laugh about it?
What celebrity would you like to arm-wrestle?
Nic Cage. Even regular wrestle! Throw me in the UFC Cage with Cage! I think I could take him.
What would stop you from doing comedy?
Sometimes when I’m going through a difficult time, it’s hard to feel funny and make jokes. Conversely, it’s also the reason why I make jokes.
Do you any advice for people, just in general?
STOP BEING JERKS.
Guys, you won't believe this but I just saw a centaur with the head of a horse!
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) September 20, 2012
For more info about Eliza and what she’s working on, go to her website here.
Steve Buscemi always looks like he just saw himself in a mirror for the first time.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2013
Chemical weapons scare the shit out of me. Especially AXE.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2013
Girl are you my wifi cause I thought we had a connection and you're always looking for bars
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2013
Whenever I get an email from OKCupid informing me I have "three new matches," me and Netflix-On-Demand just laugh & laugh & laugh for hours.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 30, 2013