Dance like black people are watching.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 12, 2013
*door opens*
*door becomes ajar*
*jar becomes a glass*
*glass becomes a window*
*window closes*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 11, 2013
"One Notorious B.I.G. album please, sir."
"Sorry my friend, fresh out."
"No Biggie."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 11, 2013
If God made us all in his image why don't I look like Kanye?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 10, 2013
Look to the person to your left. Look to the person to your right. Statistically speaking, at least 1 in 3 of you has a functioning neck.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 8, 2013
I'm as American as Instagramming apple pie.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 4, 2013