Do polar bears drink Coke all year or just during the celebration of the birth of Christ?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 27, 2014
People mistake me for Jewish and it's the worst because I have all of the guilt and none of the connections.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 26, 2014
"Son, when I was your age we had to walk 50 miles uphill, in the snow with no shoes just to find out if hot, local singles were in the area"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 24, 2014
"Fuck, that would've been helpful." - God looking at a 3d printer
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 22, 2014
I'm writing to express my sincere gratitude to all the people I've come in contact with since moving to NYC almost seven years ago. I've been doing stand-up since I was 17 and always feel like I should have more to show for it, something to really be proud of. Finally get a writing gig or a TV credit. I still want those things but the older I get, and especially over the last couple of weeks, I've been doing some reflecting.
Too often I take things for granted: my friends, family, health, how many rudabegas I have in dry storage, etc.
I am thankful for every person that has come to a show, rejected me from a show, told me to keep on trucking, told me to pack it up, has followed me, has unfollowed me, has said YES on the FB invite to the really big show that matters then doesn't show up. You have made this skinny bastard from St. Paul finally start to man up and grow a thick skin.
Thank you friends, fans, family, lovers and haters alike.
I'm not stopping now! I'm just getting warmed up!!!!
*gets pulled over by police*
If I could have any one superpower, it's still a tie between flying and China.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 20, 2014