If Abraham Lincoln we’re alive today he’d say two things:
1) “This is not my Republican Party. These people are the same self-indulgent, syphilitic tyrants I spent my entire life and career opposing and fighting against. To hell with them!”
2) “The penny? REALLY??”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 6, 2018
Would Abraham Lincoln have died if he hadn't been shot? We'll never know for sure.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 2, 2014
During summer we should elevate the Lincoln Memorial, give him a whistle, sunglasses, and shorts. Who's more appropriate for a lifeguard?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 26, 2013
Abraham Lincoln always wore a top hat to cover up his biggest secret: the tiny top hat he had hidden underneath.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 18, 2013