BEST WAYS TO BREAKUP WITH A BEAR:
• Admit you finally saw the end of “Grizzly Man”
• Say, “It’s not you, it’s I’m meat”
• Tell them you met someone who prevents forest fires
• Convert to park ranger
• Leave a note while they’re hibernating
• Don’t. It’s a fucking bear
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 12, 2018
If you're in your 20s, you can save yourself years of regret by simply always doing the opposite of what your brain tells you to do.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 11, 2016
Just never show up to a knife fight.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2013
Collect the morning dew. Bathe your soul in it. Feed a squirrel. Why did you do all that? You're late for work. Stop listening to me.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 20, 2013