HOBBY LOBBY'S NEW SLOGAN: "Finally, a safe haven to burn witches while picking up glitter!"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 30, 2014
At a gay bar with my roommate. There is glitter and cum all over my phone. I should have washed it off before I came here.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 4, 2013