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Sam Grittner

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Tag: Jesus

Posted on May 28, 2018June 3, 2018

Jesus could walk on water but I like to imagine he couldn’t go swimming, he’d try to dive in and it would be like trying to swim in concrete. And he kept it a secret. All his friends are at the beach like, “Come take a dip!” and JC is all, “Nah I’m good. Anyone wanna be carried?”

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 29, 2018

Posted on March 28, 2018March 30, 2018

“Live. Fast. Die young.” – Jesus Christ

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 28, 2018

Posted on February 7, 2017February 8, 2017

FUTURE MATH TEACHER: "Who can tell me the circumference of Christ's love?"

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) February 7, 2017

Posted on December 24, 2016December 27, 2016

Happy Birthday, Jesus! I got you a ton of fresh sins that are truly to die for

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 25, 2016

Posted on November 21, 2016November 28, 2016

ME: Please let me slam dunk watermelons with Jesus in my dreams tonight
BRAIN: I'll do you one better, you can drown slowly in your mistakes

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 21, 2016

Posted on April 21, 2014May 5, 2014

"U risen?" – Jesus sext

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 21, 2014

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