20s: I got my whole life ahead of me!
30s: What the dick happened where is time going
40s: FUCK
50s: Fuck it
60s: Neat my skin's translucent— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 22, 2014
Please don't ever confuse me being a complete asshole with me thinking I'm better than anyone.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 20, 2014
Seven years I've lived here and I just now find out that the "C" in N.Y.C. doesn't stand for Chicago
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 18, 2014
Guy Fieri looks like Applebee's decided to make a superhero then quit before they started
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 17, 2014
"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"
"I've never felt this sick before in my life."
"What are your symptoms?"
"*starts beatboxing*"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 17, 2014
If you're outraged by free music on your phone just wait until you hear about literally anything else
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 16, 2014