I wish Ann Coulter would finish staring into the Ark.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 13, 2014
"I like your tree's earring."
"That's a tire swing."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 13, 2014
I asked my mom what she wanted today and she told me she just wanted me to be happy, so I'm on ecstasy, petting a dolphin.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 11, 2014
In Hell, the most beautiful things are happening all around you but you're forced to watch a loop of every time you stared at your phone.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 8, 2014
Every day is Mother's Day when you're Oedipus
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 8, 2014
I broke my time machine next week 🙁
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 6, 2014