I'm as American as Instagramming apple pie.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 4, 2013
So many eagles are getting laid today.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 4, 2013
I remember when WE took to the streets to overthrow the banks that gouged billions of dollars from- wait we. no, we just Instagrammed shit.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 4, 2013
Cocaine is actually the crushed up bones of trust fund babies.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 2, 2013
Johnson & Johnson was originally named Johnson & Johnson but they ended up switching the order of the names.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 1, 2013
Why is it when 2 businesses join together it's a "merger" but when I join a lobster & a tiger it's an "abomination of science" & "after us?"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 29, 2013