I wish outrage was better for my skin.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 12, 2017
My favorite thing about cats is their default sleeping position is "Just murdered waiting to be chalk outlined" pic.twitter.com/IuGx6R1fp8
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 30, 2016
*reads headline that begins "Chewbacca Mom"*
*spends afternoon googling cost of medically induced comas*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 11, 2016
Age 21: "No one can tell me what to do!"
Age 31: "Someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do."
Age 41: "Whatever. That'll do."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 20, 2016
IS A COMEDY CAREER RIGHT FOR YOU?
1) Can you feel?
2) Do you hate yourself with a passion?
3) Are you satisfied with never being satisfied?— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 31, 2016