AOC: Is murder bad?
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Congresswoman, there are a multitude of factors that go into a decision like that and I, we- clearly in some instances… Look, hurricanes murder people, who are we to judge the wind?
— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 25, 2019
I don’t trust anyone who actually saves room for dessert. If you’re disciplined and calculating enough to be able to withhold instant gratification from food because you’re thinking five steps ahead, you’re clearly also capable of murder.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 16, 2018
I’m just too lazy to commit murder. Who has the time to get rid of a body, come up with an alibi, and dispose of the weapon? I’d spend three weeks on Amazon picking out the rug to roll them up in, then when it came, decide it fits the room perfectly and have to order another one.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 22, 2018
GOOD COP: Tell me what happened to the body & we all go home
PHILOSOPHER COP: Why are we here?
SUSPECT: We're here 'cuz I killed my- oh shit
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2016
The moment I hesitated when they asked me if I'd be willing to kill a person in cold blood, I knew I didn't get the job at the DMV.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 19, 2013