Kellyanne Conway doesn't know what's a lie anymore, "The microwave is watching you." "The toaster is jealous."
"The screams I hear are real"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 13, 2017
I don't cry in the shower. I cry with the shower.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 5, 2015
If you push a man's ponytail all the way into his skull, a diploma drops from the sky and he's got a second chance on life.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 28, 2013