Snow has the same qualities that I look for in my ideal woman: it’s beautiful, it’s unforgiving, and, if given the chance, it will bury me alive.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 15, 2018
My ideal woman:
• Lives in a bog or a ditch
• Is keen on animal sacrifices
• Speaks only in tongues
• Knows her way around shanks
• Shares the dang remote when we’re watching Netflix!
• Isn’t sure whose blood she’s covered in
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2018
Women are still the original 3D printer.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 5, 2014
HOBBY LOBBY'S NEW SLOGAN: "Finally, a safe haven to burn witches while picking up glitter!"
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 30, 2014