THE SPOTLIGHT: CHRIS JOYNER (@CEEJOYNER)

This week I got to interview the very funny Chris Joyner, aka, @Ceejoyner. He is one of my favorite voices. Incredibly unique, never goes for easy jokes. Enough from “me-ej,” (seej what I did there?! I’m sorry).

Chris Joyner

LET’S GET TO KNOW: Chris Joyner (@Ceejoyner)

What’s your name, alias, and alibi and where do you currently reside?

My name is Chris Joyner, they call me Ceej because I awkwardly insist they do, I never left my house that day and and I live in Montreal.

How long have you been doing comedy?

I’ve had a twitter account for a year, and one time i absolutely killed it at a party with a joke about masturbating in the snow, so 15 years.

What do you honestly think of The Twitter?

I was on the fence about it my first month and then I read a Rob Delaney tweet about Dick Cheney’s heart turning a nurse into a spider goat. That tweet opened doors, man. Doors of the mind. Mental doors, brother. Doors with windows, man. I love twitter.

What would you do on a Zepplin?

I do not trust the flight science of a zepplin and it would be next to impossible to get me on one. If you see me on a zepplin it’s part of a Taken type scenario, and my dad is about to kill everybody.

Who’s your favorite comedian right now?

I saw Louis CK do an amazing set and I like his show. Once I saw Horatio Sanz drunkenly wave a rubber cock around on stage for 5 minutes.

What magazine would you like to see published?

A scene magazine for fancy cats with dyslexia that would be called Cat Fancy (they would see it as Fancy Cat).

Watercolors?

The last watercolor I did was a bunch of tiny whales and sharks and some seals that make up a bigger whale. I don’t understand the question.

What’s the worst part about comedy?

When a news event turns everyone into a topical swarm of Jay Lenos.

What’s the best part about comedy?

Feeling a strong connection with a total stranger when they articulate a sentiment that resonates with you.

What are the five topics you tweet about the most?

Things that are always funny include ham, bees, grandparents, police and jean jackets. Things that are never funny include cocaine jokes and not liking Monday.

How often do you tweet?

I try to take it easy on people and keep it under 5 a day.

What do you wish more people would joke about?

Hair. Braids, ponytails, perms.

What celebrity would you like to arm-wrestle?

I’m going to have to say Natalie Portman. She seems small, and after the win I could easily throw her through some drywall. I am very strong.

What’s your favorite condiment that hasn’t been invented yet?

Skittle chutney, and now it has been invented.

What would stop you from doing comedy?

Probably a football to the nutsack then an anvil falling on my head then a piano after that.

Do you any advice for people, just in general?

For the ladies, summer dresses are delightful and timeless. For guys, never underestimate the importance of some type of sleeve.

FOLLOW @Ceejoyner on the The Twitter!

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