CONSERVATIVE UNCLE: I carved the bird! Everybody dig in!
ME: Everyone at the table deserves some food?
CU: Of course
ME: Even though only one person bought it
CU: Yeah, why?
ME: Explain to me why everyone doesn’t deserve Universal healthcare
CU: *brain explodes*
Me: Let's dig in!— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2017
Barron gets the wishbone and breaks it in half. “I wish he would die already,” he whispers. Trump walks around the corner and sees his youngest son, “Darren, when was the last time I told you about my electoral landslide?”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 22, 2017
Don't forget you can stop being thankful today.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 25, 2016
You can't choose your family but you can choose to take ecstasy before setting foot in their home
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 24, 2016
Before you leave the Thanksgiving bash at your conservative parents' house, don't forget to slip a Hamilton soundtrack in their CD player.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2016