ROBBER: GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!
ME: It's tied up in BitCoin
ROBBER: Can you explain what the shit that is?
*fours hours later*
DETECTIVE: Cause of death?
ME: *taking drag off a cigarette* Boredom? Knowledge? Who's to say?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 11, 2018
I keep a thesaurus under my bed in case someone tries to break in and rob me, that way I can apprise the conventional authorities posthaste.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 4, 2015
Whenever someone's robbing my house, I pretend I'm robbing it too then I make off with as much of my stuff as possible.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 23, 2015