Password must be strong enough to raise three kids on its own.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 25, 2016
Hey Sweden, if you want to leave the E.U. just remember: a Swexit is when Patrick Swayze leaves a room, so you need a different name.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 24, 2016
The nice thing about comedy is that once you've proven yourself to be truly funny, all you have to do is that every day after that forever.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 24, 2016
Be the therapy your parents should have gone through twenty years ago.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 21, 2016
This Father's Day get him the gift he'll never forget: stop being a disappointment for one day out of your fucking life like your siblings
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 19, 2016
The best thing I ever did with my 20s was turn 30.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) June 18, 2016