MAYBE SHE WAS BORN WITH IT, MAYBE IT'S DANIEL DAY-LEWIS
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 1, 2013
"911, what's your emergency?"
"THERE'S A GIANT APE THROWING BARRELS AT PEOPLE. HE KIDNAPPED A WOMAN!"
"We're sending our best plumber now."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 31, 2013
You can take the bear out of the zoo but you can't take the zoo police on all by yourself trust me, even if you encourage the bear to help
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 31, 2013
*opens backpack*
*takes out fanny pack*
*opens fanny pack*
*takes out coin purse*
*open coin purse*
*sees virginity is safe and sound*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2013
Bought a giraffe cuz I didn't want to buy a ladder AND a horse.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 30, 2013
If you ever feel sad or alone, don't. Do both at the same time to speed up productivity.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2013