Steve Buscemi always looks like he just saw himself in a mirror for the first time.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2013
Chemical weapons scare the shit out of me. Especially AXE.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 1, 2013
Girl are you my wifi cause I thought we had a connection and you're always looking for bars
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2013
Whenever I get an email from OKCupid informing me I have "three new matches," me and Netflix-On-Demand just laugh & laugh & laugh for hours.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 30, 2013
If you pull down any book in the George W. Bush Center, the entire wall 360's with you on it, revealing a 24-hour Hooters.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 28, 2013
If you push a man's ponytail all the way into his skull, a diploma drops from the sky and he's got a second chance on life.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 28, 2013