*at animal shelter*
EMPLOYEE: "You said you were interested in adopting a dog?"
*i slide her $100*
ME: "Take me to the REALLY good boys."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 1, 2016
"The Bachelor" but with dogs
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) March 15, 2016
Dogs were domesticated from wolves. Cats were domesticated from middle fingers.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 3, 2015
If I ever run for office my platform will be, "Dogs everywhere always."
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2015
*goes on first date*
*eats spaghetti with her like in lady and the tramp*
Waiter: Sir, you and the terrier need to leave immediately— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 14, 2014
Plot twist: the dogs let themselves out
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 8, 2014