Missed Connection – Sam Grittner.COM

July 19, 2017September 9, 2017

MISSED CONNECTION: We wore matching kimonos to the duel

— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) July 19, 2017

November 25, 2015November 28, 2015

MISSED CONNECTION: You were the exorcist at my niece's quinceañera

— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) November 26, 2015

May 21, 2015May 22, 2015

MISSED CONNECTION: You were Natalie Portman. I was also Natalie Portman. It was the best costume party I've ever been to in New Jersey.

— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2015

March 27, 2015April 6, 2015

MISSED CONNECTION: You were dancing outside a carwash with absolutely no inhibitions. You were 10 feet tall & made of blue plastic. I waved.

— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) March 27, 2015

September 7, 2013September 10, 2013

MISSED CONNECTION: Costco Parking Lot

MISSED CONNECTION:

You were an Angel, screaming at airplanes in the parking lot of Costco. Our eyes locked just as you pulled the last of your hair out. It was as red as the red in the RED LOBSTER signs I’ve heard of in modern lore. I was wearing bermuda shorts and a vintage wedding gown that I may or definitely may have stolen from a yacht earlier in the day. You smelled of tapioca and longing. Set your jean jacket on fire, I’ll find you.

January 22, 2013January 22, 2013

MISSED CONNECTION (July 19th, 2011)

Missed Connection:

Last week on a crowded Brooklyn bound F-Train.You: low cut green blouse and pants that appeared to be made out of bark. You had most of your teeth and had obviously had just shined your hook hand.Me: I was the one in the pleather kimono trying to sell my self-hypnosis DVD’s. I made eye contact with your good eye.

If you’re out there dream woman, start one of those fires with black smoke that rises in the sky like in ‘LOST.’ I’ll be there in twenty minutes or three days (depending on if this wheelchair that I souped-up works).