If I see another happy couple smooching I swear to god I'm going to walk right past them and ask myself why I ruin every relationship I'm in
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 27, 2017
I feel like 2016 cheated on me and dumped me and I'm getting hooked up with 2017 but I don't owe it anything and I'm going to get bangs.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 20, 2016
How am I not an Uber driver I'm soooooo good at driving people away
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 5, 2016
Why do we park on a driveway but I drive every relationship into the ground?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 5, 2015