Imagine coming back to life as a zombie but someone tied your shoes together before you were buried.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 4, 2016
One of my biggest fears is that Ted Cruz is still in the race during the summer & we’ll be subjected to watching him “eat” an ice cream cone
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 2, 2016
It's Friday so make sure to trap your nemesis in a web of lies of their own making and head out a little early.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 29, 2016
A woman on the train had a chipmunk in her coat pocket and she fed it for the entire ride and now I'm questioning all my priorities in life
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 28, 2016
FIRST DATE TIP: Wear a ski mask to really make your eyes pop
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 27, 2016
Headlines I’m looking forward to:
ARE MILLENNIALS TO BLAME FOR WWII?
HOW MILLENNIALS SCREWED OVER THE BABY BOOMERS
MILLENNIALS: HUMAN POISON— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 26, 2016