REJECTED NAMES FOR ARMS:
*Longies
*Hand holders
*Reverse legs
*Elbow tentacles
*Swingers
*Punch machines
*Hug factories
*Orms— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 10, 2013
*gathers kids around for spooky story*
*turns on the news and leaves*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 9, 2013
Barack, you're not running for another term. Time to get real. Call up Suge Knight and have him dangle Boehner over a ledge. Shutdown over.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 9, 2013
*Daft Punk remove their helmets*
*two separate squirrels emerge, smoking cigarettes*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 7, 2013
imagine being the duck that lost the recipe for bread
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) October 5, 2013
I SEE SUBWAY PEOPLE…
I don’t ride the subway often anymore, ever since the ALLEGED “wolverines and Ketamine” incident on the F-Train a few months back, but when I do manage to sneak under a manhole and make the jump onto a speeding train, I try and soak up everyone around me. When I do, I tend to assign them my own made-up personalities. Here is who I saw today:
- Asian Steve Jobs
- A Wall Street hustler
- Asian Steven Tyler
- A spiffy lawyer
- Asian Yoko Ono
- A gay lumberjack
- Asian Banksy
- A kid with a lunchbox and weird eyebrows
- Asian Jesse Plemons
- A fruit vendor with ulterior motives
- Asian Carmen San Diego
- A bird inside a top hat
- Asian Scatman Crothers
- A scientist and his concubine
- Asian Joan of Arc
- A mental health expert with three hands
- Asian Ted Nugent
- A blind woman wearing a THIRD EYE BLIND t-shirt
- Asian Rob Thomas