Do I think Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer? No. Do I believe with all my heart he chokes hitchhikers to death with a rosary? Of course I do.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 20, 2016
No matter who wins tomorrow remember one thing: Donald Trump wants to fuck his daughter.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 18, 2016
I'm GOTH!
Generous
Open
Tenacious
Hellbent on opening the gates for Satan to rain death amongst the unbelievers— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 16, 2016
HILLARY: "I was on BROAD CITY!"
BERNIE: "A bird landed on my damn podium!"
*simultaneously* "I love pizza!"
*they embrace and kiss*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 15, 2016
Any machine is a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 13, 2016
My innocence was stolen in an AOL chat room.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) April 12, 2016