No Christmas presents this year kids, Santa is an immigrant with no legal documentation to prove he's not part of ISIS.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2016
I don't have FOMO, I have, "Oh no." That's where you go to a party or event and realize it's terrible and remember why you always stay in.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 2, 2016
A partridge AND a pear tree? In this economy???
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 2, 2016