I can't believe I'm still writing Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer on all my checks
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 25, 2016
"I like your piano's little windshield wiper."
"That's a metronome."— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 23, 2016
IS NOTHING SACRED??? pic.twitter.com/0xH8eHI55P
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 23, 2016
Someone got paid to think this up then it got approved. Stop saying there's no way Trump will be our next President. pic.twitter.com/a7we8xY6Dm
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 22, 2016
*blows out candles on birthday cake*
FRIEND: What did you wish for?
ME: That it was my birthday— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 18, 2016
The nice thing about drinking tea is that if you accidentally drop food in it you just made soup.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) February 17, 2016