I untied Betsy DeVos’ yacht but it’s only because it was in public water and it deserved to be in chartered water.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 27, 2018
CAPITALISM: All you have to do is work every day at a job you hate the rest of your life so you can scrape by until you die
ME: Will it make me happy?
CAPITALISM: No but you get to buy a bunch of shiny things you don’t really need
ME: Will those make me happy?
CAPITALISM: Also no— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 24, 2018
I like to dream that in the U.K. the Dollar Store is called Pound Town.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 23, 2018
Donald Trump Jr is like if a protein shake and a DUI were a person.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 17, 2018
PICTURED: The President of the United States and Donald Trump pic.twitter.com/zTqZX2CKN6
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 16, 2018
You wander through the forest and come across Smokey the Bear. You see him burning piles of leaves. Aghast, you turn and stare at him. He solemnly whispers, “Only YOU can prevent forest fires” as he hands you the knife. He smiles as you stab him to death. He is finally free.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 15, 2018