The moment I hesitated when they asked me if I'd be willing to kill a person in cold blood, I knew I didn't get the job at the DMV.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 19, 2013
Abandoned websites are the new time capsules.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 18, 2013
GOD: "Did I ever tell you about the time I made it rain microwave ovens?"
JESUS: "No way!"
GOD: "… I wish we were real."
JESUS: "Me too."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 16, 2013
*Kanye runs into Jay-Z at RadioShack*
"J! If I'm here AND you're here then who's watching the-"
*Macklemore loads the Throne into a U-Haul*— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 12, 2013
I worked 12 straight hours today and 3 really gay ones.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 12, 2013
If you're not into BREAKING BAD, that's okay. There are people that aren't into sex or food, so I kinda understand.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) August 11, 2013