You still have blackouts when you don’t drink or do drugs but they’re called, “trips to Target.”
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 27, 2018
If you haven't heard from a friend in a while, check in on them. Give them a call. Shoot them a text. Kick down their door. Hug them until you literally squeeze the life out of them. Enjoy your new home.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 25, 2018
I sure picked the wrong Presidency to get sober.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 24, 2018
What a time to be dead inside.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 23, 2018
Always a Danny McBride, never a Danny McBridesmaid.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 23, 2018
If my funeral is open casket my only request is that I have cucumber slices over my eyes.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2018