Felony domestic abuse charges and this month’s child support? https://t.co/RVNiv4Mbsl
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 28, 2019
MARGARET: “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret…”
GOD, whispering to you: “We’re not here! She calls every night, just let it go to prayermail. She’s sweet but, it’s like, Margaret, I’m God, I know who you are! You don’t have to introduce yourself EVERY ti- sorry. So, what have— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 27, 2019
Sex AND the city? In THIS economy??
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 27, 2019
I think the concentration camps are just ever-so-slightly worse than matching swimsuits but that’s just me https://t.co/p4mIuXWrMP
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 26, 2019
In this tweet I’m performing at a comedy club for cats and dogs but I’m still human
ME: You ever notice how dogs be all woof woof woof but cats? Cats be all meow meow meow?
*dogs howl in approval while cats keep pushing their cocktails and beers over their tables’ ledges*
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 23, 2019
Tucker Carlson’s face always looks like the exact opposite of someone having an orgasm.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 17, 2019