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Writer. Comedian. Space Whale.

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Author: Sam Grittner

Posted on July 15, 2019August 8, 2019

When I’m President we will have the Purge one night a year but instead of folks killing and committing crimes it’s waitstaff and bartenders getting to say what they’re really thinking to their customers with no consequences.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 16, 2019

Posted on July 14, 2019August 8, 2019

If no one has taken you aside today and told you how amazing you are and how much you fucking matter let me be the first to say: it’s getting late so I wouldn’t get my hopes up.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 14, 2019

Posted on July 7, 2019August 8, 2019

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now but CAW! CAW, CAW, CAW!

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 7, 2019

Posted on July 6, 2019August 8, 2019

Only 80’s kids will remember this: regular amounts of serotonin in the brain

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 6, 2019

Posted on July 2, 2019August 8, 2019

If anyone needs me I’ll be making the same mistake over and over, wondering why nothing is changing despite my doing absolutely nothing.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 2, 2019

Posted on July 1, 2019August 8, 2019

What? That’s easy: Fuck Raymour, Marry And, Kill Flanagan.

— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) July 2, 2019

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