If I ever got underwear that cost more than $30 I would wear regular underwear underneath it so I wouldn't ruin it.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 5, 2015
they call me Hanukkah cause I can go for eight days and no one knows how to spell my name correctly
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 4, 2015
Every year for Christmas I ask Satan to cure me of my dyslexia.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 3, 2015
Don't talk to me until I've had my evening coffee.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 2, 2015
Florence AND the machine? In this economy?
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) December 1, 2015
Being an adult feels like someone informed you it's up to you to clean the entire Statue of Liberty with a toothbrush that you don't have.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 30, 2015