ISIS is so stupid. Don't they realize Santa is watching them? Lots of coal for those dummies.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 23, 2015
If you pull on a man's ponytail long enough, a coupon will drop down from the sky that's good for six free karate lessons.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 22, 2015
3 stars (my review of Orion's Belt)
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 21, 2015
BRAIN: Everyone should be nicer to each other!
*one person doesn’t say thank you after I hold the door open for them*
BRAIN: LET IT ALL BURN— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 20, 2015
Being an adult feels like you've been tasked to vacuum up every last bit of sand from a beach.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 20, 2015
Women, in honor of International Men's day tomorrow, tell every man you see to smile more and take 30% of the money he has on him.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) November 19, 2015