My resume is just a .gif of me putting my retainer on before bed.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 29, 2015
If you're a wizard and lost your umbrella please contact me pic.twitter.com/YVGgtV0KxC
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 28, 2015
BREAKING: Kanye West looking into divorcing Kim Kardashian so he can officially marry himself.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 26, 2015
"We don't need to throw away the ring anymore. It can be ours." pic.twitter.com/Qw0mlpFX5t
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 26, 2015
"Stuff that rat inside a butterfly." – God inventing bats
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 25, 2015
*in theater*
*movie begins, opening credits appear*
*turn to complete stranger*
"What font is that do you think?"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) June 25, 2015