"THANKS BUT NO THANKS" – Schrödinger's Thank You Cards
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 24, 2015
*job interview*
"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
"Giving you your bonus for hiring me."— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 22, 2015
Who are we kidding? We're going to be such terrible ghosts. We'll haunt bars instead of bedrooms and never shut up about how tired we are.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 22, 2015
*at orgy*
"DOES ANYONE KNOW THE WIFI PASSWORD?"— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2015
MISSED CONNECTION: You were Natalie Portman. I was also Natalie Portman. It was the best costume party I've ever been to in New Jersey.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 21, 2015
What kind of idiot buys a mansion that isn't spooky? That's like buying a garden that's not enchanted, you may as well burn all your money.
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) May 20, 2015